You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
