All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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