i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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