you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
