Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
