wakey wakey hands off snakey
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm at about main and main street
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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