it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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