Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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