Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
