1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
