Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
