I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
