Already got asked if we're dating
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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