my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
