Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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