so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
