bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So gin and wine won't be happening again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
