you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
