i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
