I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
