My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
