***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
