Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize