It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
