True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
