singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
