best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
