I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
