yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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