I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
