I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
