sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
