Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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