nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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