I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just come out here and I will go home with you...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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