Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
