Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
