i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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