we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
