i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
