1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
