it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
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If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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