my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
