He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
