I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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