do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
