your room smells of hookers.
And success
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
