but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
