Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
