Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
