Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
