YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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