he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
