I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
