The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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