we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
