so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
