it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
