so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
