Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
