they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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