meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she peed on how many people?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
