Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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