Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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