Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
