Ambien. No doubt about it.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
