You really coming over, don't trick.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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