Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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