you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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