my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
