I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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