I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
