My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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