this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
