ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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