its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
