My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she was so not down for the gang bang
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
