You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
