Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
