terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
