College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
