hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
